The Whole Package - Warmth and Strength

A few years ago I came across a simple but profound concept. Successful people have a combination of Warmth and Strength.
 
Some people are high in the area of relationship building, while others are intensely driven and task-oriented. I believe a person can be both. On a scale of 1-10, desire to be a 10 in Warmth and a 10 in Strength.

I like the imagery of the iron hand in a velvet glove because I think we should lead with Warmth. As others get to know us, our inner Strength will be revealed.

Here are some thoughts on how to exhibit both Warmth and Strength.

WARMTH
* Be welcoming and cheerful to others. Make others feel comfortable, put them at ease.
* Express appreciation and encouragement. Send thank you notes. Brag about others. Let others know you believe in them.
* Be kind. Treat restaurant servers, housekeepers, cashiers, etc. with uncommon courtesy.
* Remember and use people’s names. People have an unconscious, positive, emotional reaction at the sound of their name.
* Be empathetic. Call a friend to check on their job search. Ask about their mother who just moved into a nursing home.
* Be others-oriented. Take an interest in others. Don’t always bring the conversation back to you. Be a good listener.
* Invest in others. Willingly share your knowledge and expertise with others.

STRENGTH
* Practice self-discipline. Learn to do what you should do, whether you feel like it or not. Finish the project even though you are tired. Hit the gym when you want to relax.
* Step into difficult conversations. Address issues with the person involved rather than complaining about them to everyone else.
* Have the courage of your convictions. Give your opinion in a meeting, even if it is unpopular or everyone else seems to be going in a different direction. When a group is speaking poorly of someone, let them know what you see that is good in the person.
* Develop a set of personal core values. Some suggestions include integrity, courage, discipline, and focus.
* Refuse to be intimidated. Be respectful of everyone but know that, no matter how much money or how high a position another person has, they are no better than you.
* Be resilient. Bounce back from setbacks. Persevere through obstacles. If you are criticized, evaluate the feedback but don't let it affect your self-worth.

As you go through your day, practice situational awareness. There will be times you will need to project warmth. There will be times when you will need to step up with your strength. It's what successful people do.

3 Ways to Lose Your Influence and Diminish Your Personal Brand

Whether you know it or not, you have a personal brand. Your personal brand is determined by your actions, by your behavior. Your personal brand determines your influence with others and your value in the marketplace.

However, you can easily diminish your influence in 3 ways.

 1. Complain

"You can't be great and negative at the same time."
- Dan Rockwell

This world is full of complainers. People regularly complain about the weather, their boss, the president (any president.) If you are reading this Accelerating Excellence blog, I am assuming you don't want to be like everyone else. 

Every time you complain, you look weak and play the victim. The apostle Paul wrote long ago that if you don't complain or grumble, you will stand out like stars in the darkness.

Life is full of adversity, from flat tires to lay-offs. But the essence of life is not what happens to you, but how you respond to what happens to you.

There is nothing wrong with healthy reflection to learn from experiences. But it is unproductive to dwell on ‘why?’ 

• Why did this happen to me? 
• Why is life so unfair? 
• Why did this have to happen today?

It is more powerful to ask ‘what?”

• What I can do to improve my situation?
• What is a wise next move?
• What is a constructive next step?

Here is a great life principle to live by: make the best of any situation. That way you don’t have to change the world, you can just change yourself.

2. Criticize

"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness."
- Eleanor Roosevelt

It is human nature to criticize others. It is easier to pull someone down than to lift someone up. We all are prone to label someone negatively based on very limited observations of a person. It’s wrong, often inaccurate and comes across as petty. 

In addition, while you are verbally diminishing others, you are diminishing yourself. No one ever made themselves big by making others small. 

There is a concept in the field of psychology called the Fundamental Attribution Theory. Essentially, it says that we judge others by their actions while we judge ourselves by our intentions. In others words, we are generally hard on others and easy on ourselves.

Decide to give others the benefit of the doubt. Time spent on disapproving others takes away from time spent improving ourselves.

So rather than be a critic, be a model. Be an encourager. Brag about others behind their backs. And in front of them too!

Great people make others look and feel great.

3. Cuss

I am not talking about the occasional ‘damn’ or reacting with an expletive when you hit your finger with a hammer or back your car into a tree. I am speaking of the frequency of the f-word and the like in our culture.

When you cuss, you risk needlessly offending others and show lack of situational awareness. Don’t just take my word for it.

A study by CareerBuilder revealed that most people think cussing displays:

• A lack of self-control
• A lack of maturity
• A lack of intelligence

I know that many people are not offended by swearing. But let's be honest, no one thinks you have more self-control, are more mature or more intelligent when you use foul language. Cussing adds nothing positive to a conversation. Have command of your language.

Conclusion

So I challenge you - decide that complaining, criticizing and cussing is no longer part of your repertoire. Carry yourself with poise and professionalism. Decide to be a positive force. When you lose your influence, you don’t have much left.

Grit: 3 Ways to Develop Your Mental Toughness

"The common denominator to success is
forming the habit of doing things that others don't like to do."
- Albert Gray

One of the most beneficial qualities a person can possess is a healthy self-confidence. There is a direct relationship between grit and self-confidence. 

Grit can be defined as firmness of character; internal toughness; the ability to persevere toward a goal despite being confronted by obstacles, failures and distractions.

Grit is not something that you either have or don’t have, it is developed over time. We all have the power to increase our grit. Here are 3 ways you can increase yours.
 

1. Keep Commitments to Yourself and Others.

When we fail to follow through on commitments we make to our self, our self-respect takes a hit. When we fail to follow through on commitments made to others, our credibility takes a hit.

When it comes to goals, it’s good to make them ambitious. When it comes to keeping commitments, it is best to start small. It is better to make a small commitment and keep it, than to make a big commitment and break it.

Here are some practical things you can do to increase your grit:

• Plan your day by making a reasonable to-do list. Accomplish all planned tasks by the end of the day.
• Decide to forgo an unhealthy food for a day. Be specific. (Example: no french fries)
• When you are in the middle of a task, quit when you are finished, not when you are tired.
• Unplug from social media for a day.

In relation to others, determine that you will be a person of your word. Be careful with your promises. But when you make a commitment, do whatever it takes to follow through.

2. Get Comfortable with the Uncomfortable.

There are two kinds of stress, distress and eustress. Eustress is healthy, beneficial stress. When you go to the gym and lift weights to the point of discomfort, you are intentionally putting yourself in a state of eustress - for the purpose of getting stronger.

Intentionally put yourself in periods of eustress. Your grit will grow.
 
Here are some ways to get out of your comfort zone:

• Volunteer to make a presentation
• Step into a difficult, but necessary conversation
• Develop a new skill
• Apply for a different job 

In other words, do hard things. Make fear your friend. Understand that fear and growth go together. As Pastor Mark Patterson says, “You have to go through awkward to get to awesome.” Get to the point that when you feel fear, you say to yourself, “This is cool, this is how I grow.”

3. Bounce Back from Adversity. 

We all make mistakes and experience failure. Begin to look at failures as temporary, learning experiences. Whenever you experience a setback or obstacle, ask yourself, “What can I learn from this and how can I move forward in a constructive way?

Decide to be resilient. Let your past refine you, not define you. Evander Holyfield once said, “A setback only paves the way for a comeback.”
 
Research has revealed that grit is one of the most important predictors of success. The Apostle Paul listed self-control (a form of grit) among other qualities such as love and kindness.

People with grit are better off in almost every way. Take small steps to develop your grit today. Get a series of small wins. Soon you will gain momentum and your grit muscle will grow.

Get your grit on!
 

“Don’t pray for an easy life, pray to be a strong person.” 
– Phillip Brooks

Winning the Day - 6 Ways to Set Yourself Up for a Successful Day

"How we live our days is how we live our lives"
– Annie Dillard

Every day counts. With just a few minutes of thoughtful planning every day, you can set yourself up for success.

 1. PLAN YOUR DAY THE DAY BEFORE

Towards the end of your work day, take time to recalibrate. Follow up on email, capture commitments and tasks accumulated throughout the day. Then play the next day. You will leave work with a clearer mind. Also, planning the day before ‘jump starts’ the following day--in the morning, you can hit the ground running. Finally, planning the day before enables your subconscious mind to absorb your list and, perhaps, create new ideas for the following day.

2. BALANCE DEEP WORK AND ROUTINE WORK

I created my own ‘Win the Day’ template. On it, I keep two lists--one for deep work and one for routine work. Deep work is creative or analytical. Routine work is more administrative and less taxing on the brain. I recommend a 3/7 rule. No more than 3 deep work tasks (approximately 30-minute periods of concentrated focus) and 7 routine tasks. Meetings and daily operational issues will usually take up the rest of the day.

3. MAKE A CLOSED LIST

Keeping an open list is a working throughout the day to see how far down a long list you can get. That is overwhelming and discouraging. Instead, make your list realistic but somewhat ambitious-- then do your best to accomplish everything on your list. This creates a healthy tension by trying to reach a goal.

4. LEAVE MARGIN

You know the nature of your job and the frequency of emergencies and interruptions. Leave the appropriate amount of white space in your calendar to account for them. Planning every minute or over-scheduling sets you up for failure.

5. MAKE APPOINTMENTS WITH YOURSELF

You schedule meetings and appointments with others. Begin to schedule appointments with yourself to complete deep work. Deep work is important work that has positive consequences, When you perform deep work, do your best to free yourself from devices and interruptions.  No multi-tasking during deep work.

6. SCHEDULE WITH YOUR PERSONAL ENERGY CYCLE

We all have our own biological ‘prime time’ and periods of low energy. Schedule your deep work at the height of your energy cycle. Complete more routine, administrative work during your off-peak times.

Taking 10-15 minutes to plan each day saves time, gives you a feeling of control and leads to higher productivity.
 

“Make each day a masterpiece.”
– John Wooden

10 PRINCIPLES OF SERVICE EXCELLENCE

“There was no magic formula. We just focused on being brilliant at the basics.”

— John Wooden, UCLA Coach, 10 National Championships

1. MAKE A GREAT FIRST IMPRESSION

The first thing a customer will notice about you is your attitude. They immediately ask themselves, “Is this person for me?” First impressions are like wet cement; you have a small window of opportunity to make a favorable impression. Once the impression is set, it is difficult to change.

2. RELATIONSHIP BEFORE TASK

Every business is a relationship business. Whether you are buying a car or seeing a doctor, you want to do business with people you like. The same is true for your customers. Take time to make a connection before getting down to business.

3. POSITION OTHERS WELL

Always speak well of your co-workers, other departments and your company. This gives the customer confidence and let’s them know everyone is working together to provide a positive experience.

4. SPEAK IN THE POSITIVE

Emphasize what you can do for your customer, not what you can’t do. “Our first opening is Friday at 10 am.” sounds much better than “We can’t see you until Friday at 10am.”

5. COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY

Think of yourself as a teacher rather than a salesperson. Be clear and concise in your communication. Be a good listener and have the customer’s best interest in mind.

6. DO SOMETHING EXTRA

Think of something beyond the ordinary that you can do for your customer. It could be waiving a fee, charging less than the estimate or adding in a little something extra.

7. ELEVATE YOUR LANGUAGE

Avoid the phrase “no problem.” Neither of those two words are positive. If a customer makes a request, “absolutely” or “I would be happy to,” works well. If a customer thanks you, “you are very welcome” or “it is my pleasure” conveys your desire to delight.

8. RECOVER WELL

When things don’t go as planned, follow a simple three step process. First, let the customer vent so they feel heard, apologize for the inconvenience, ask how to make it right. If you handle service recovery well, you could leave a more favorable impression than if nothing bad happened.

9. UNDERSTAND YOUR PURPOSE

Always remember that you are in business to acquire and retain customers. The customer is the reason your company exists. Make sure that attitude is conveyed to them.

10. LEAVE A LASTING IMPRESSION

Tie a nice bow around the whole experience. Let them know that it is a pleasure and a privilege to do business with them.

The Best of Both Worlds

"The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time." – F. Scott Fitzgerald

We live in an environment today where we are supposed to make a choice between two options. Democrat or Republican. Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts. PC or Mac. We limit are choices to either/or. However, not everything is binary.

With many things in life, the choice is not either/or but both/and.

Two things can be true at once. One choice does not have to be wrong for the other choice to be right. 

Here are some everyday examples of both/and.

LONG TERM GOALS And LIVING IN THE MOMENT

Having specific, written down long term goals is one of the keys to a successful and prosperous life. On the other hand, you should also strive to ‘make each day a masterpiece.’ If you live every day well, your days will add up to a successful life.

It’s not one or the other. It’s both/and.

STRUCTURE AND FLEXIBILITY

Going into each day with a well-thought-out game plan will increase your probability of effectiveness and success. But you need be flexible for urgent and unforeseen opportunities. You need to maintain both structure and flexibility.

HUMILITY AND CONFIDENCE

In his book, Good to Great, Jim Collins talks about great leaders having a unique combination of personal humility and professional resolve. Once again, these qualities are not mutually exclusive. Make it a goal to enter each day with humility, knowing that you are an imperfect, ‘work in progress.’ But also carry a healthy dose of confidence knowing what your strengths are and leveraging them for the good of others.

WARMTH AND STRENGTH

Successful people possess a combination of warmth and strength. They have great relational skills and can easily connect with others. At the same time, they are also candid and straightforward in their speech.

Finally, as a Christian, there are also two approaches to faith. One extreme is ‘let go and let God.’ Surrender everything and let God take over. The other extreme is practicing self-discipline and diligence. Again, both are true.

I think the popular phrase

“Pray as if everything depended on God and work as if everything depended on you,”

is another great example of both/and.

So don’t get caught up into forced, false choices. Remember, two things can be true at once. Limiting your choices is often 'stinking thinking'.

7 Ways to Overcome Stage Fright in Public Speaking

“All greatness is achieved while performing outside our comfort zone.”

— Greg Arnold

It is common knowledge that the #1 human fear is public speaking. When someone needs to make a presentation, often they just want to ‘get it over with.’

But if you are in business, becoming proficient at public speaking can accelerate your career and increase your influence. Instead of trying to ‘get it over with’ think ‘get good.’

Here are a few strategies that can help you reduce your anxiety. Be assured that nervousness in public speaking is normal and even healthy.

1. Master your material.

There is no substitute for knowing your material. The more prepared you are, the more confident and spontaneous you will be. Thorough knowledge of the material will also help you speak in a conversational tone.

2. Arrive early.

Make sure you are not dealing with last minute room set-up or technological issues. This will compound your stress. Get there well ahead of time and make sure everything is in order. Greet participants as they arrive. This takes the edge off and gives the audience a positive first impression. 

3. Start strong and Finish strong.

The first few minutes are usually the hardest. If you have your introduction down cold and it has a good hook, you gain early momentum. Once you get going, the anxiety is often reduced or even eliminated. Additionally, don't end with a whimper. 'Does anyone have any questions?' isn't exactly a great lasting impression. Summarize what you have said and then paint a picture of a bright future with the material you presented. Help them 'imagine' how life will be better from what you have shared.

4. Make nervousness work for, rather than against you.

If I am nervous before a speech, I simply tell myself that it is positive energy waiting to be channeled into a great presentation.

““Everyone has butterflies in their stomach. The only difference between the pro and an amateur is the pro has the butterflies flying in formation.” ”

— Zig Ziglar

5. Use positive visualization.

This technique is used by some of the world’s greatest performers. Jack Nicklaus used to imagine the golf ball landing softly on the green right next to the hole before he ever took a swing. Picture yourself confident and effective during your presentation.

6. Focus on the MESSAGe, not yourself.

I used to give monthly Employee of the Month presentations at an organization. I would tell myself that my job is to honor person being recognized, not to make myself look good. This actually helped take the edge off my nervousness. In a similar way, your job is not to impress the audience but impact them. Focus on helping them.

7. Think thrive, not survive.

Being a Christian, I think of what the Apostle Paul said, 'God did not give us a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind.' Go up with confidence and seize the day. Make the most of your opportunity. Play offense, not defense.

Your presentation will never be perfect but life is an adventure not a test. It's about success, not perfection. 

There are no shortcuts to becoming proficient at presentations. But with practice, your anxiety can be dramatically reduced.

When I started my career in education, I volunteered to teach topics like infection control, fire safety and HIPAA about 6 times a month in front of an average size audience of 40 people. I did this for the sole purpose of gaining ‘face time’ in front of an audience.

So start small. Volunteer to make a presentation at a department meeting or for a committee. You will doing something most people are unwilling to do.

“You have to go through awkward to get to awesome.”

— Mark Batterson

Employee Engagement: Purpose Produces Passion

“Where there is no vision, the people perish.”

— Proverbs 28:19

We are all purpose-driven beings. We want to know that we are making a positive difference in the lives of others.

Many employees do not see the connection between their daily tasks and the big picture. As a leader, one of your primary responsibilities is to help your staff clearly see that connection.

Dave Ramsey, whose company helps people get out of debt, lets his shipping department know they are not just shipping training materials, they are shipping hope.

Medtronic, a manufacturer of medical devices, lets its staff on the manufacturing floor hear testimonies from patients about how their products save lives.

As a leader, how can you do this on a practical level?

Let me give you 3 vocational examples:

1. COMPANY RECEPTIONIST

Company receptionists may think that their job is just to have visitors sign-in and to transfer calls, but it is much more important than that as receptionists are often a client’s first impression of the company. As a leader, it is your duty to relay this to your receptionist. 

2. HOUSEKEEPER IN HEALTHCARE

Many housekeepers may think that their job of cleaning toilets and making beds is rather mundane. But like receptionists, housekeepers serve a much larger purpose in healthcare as they help prevent hospital-acquired infections by keeping the room clean and germ-free. Housekeepers play an important part in the patient's healing. Again, it is the leader's job to relate the housekeeper’s duties to the big picture. 

3. PRINT AND COPY ASSOCIATE

I bring my training materials to Staples for printing and copying. The print and copy associates’ work is a reflection on my business and me. If done well—and it usually is—the person who produced the work is actually helping me succeed in the marketplace. Before training a new employee on the mechanics of printing and copying, a great leader tells new team members that they are helping others succeed by doing their job excellently.

According to Gallup, the management-consulting group, one of the 12 key employee engagement questions is "Do I feel my job is important?” 

Does your staff have a sense of purpose in their work? Or do they feel like hamsters on a wheel? Do you regularly let your team know the 'why' behind what they do?

The Counterintuitive Advantage

"There are two kinds of people in the world. Those who walk into a room and say, 'There you are' and those who say, 'Here I am'" - Pauline Phillips

Here is a cold, hard fact: we are all self-centered. When someone takes a group picture and you see it for the first time, who do you look for first? You, of course. And if you look good, the picture is good, despite how everyone else may look.

Our default is to think about ourselves first. However, if we can train ourselves to regularly see things from another person’s point of view, we will have a distinct advantage and live life more successfully.

Here are some examples:

SALES

Self-centered approach: “How can I sell them the product or service that pays the most commission?”

Other-centered approach: “What problems or obstacles are they facing that I can help them solve?”

PRESENTATIONS

Self-centered approach: “How can I impress the audience?”

Other-centered approach: “How can I put things in a way that is easy to understand and helpful to the audience?”

INTERVIEWING FOR A JOB

Self-centered approach: “What can I do to make myself look good?”

Other-centered approach: “What qualities are they looking for in a person for this position?”

LEADERSHIP

Self-centered approach: “What perks, pay and privileges will I get in this position?”

Other-centered approach: “How can I help my team members succeed?”

CUSTOMER SERVICE

Self-centered approach: “How can I get this difficult customer out of my hair?”

Other-centered approach: “How can I win this customer over?”

CONFLICT

Self-centered approach: “How can I get the best of the other person and win the argument?”

Other-centered approach: “There must be a reason they are acting that way. I should find out why.”

This approach will not come naturally and we can’t practice it 100% of the time. But if we intentionally and strategically take this approach, we will find that life is better and we are better at life.

Learning to Love the Burn

“Spectacular achievement is always preceded by unspectacular preparation.”

— Robert Schuller

Every day we see top performers--elite athletes, superb musicians, outstanding authors. From our perspective, they seem exceptionally gifted. They make it look easy.

What we don’t see is what it takes to get the top. We don’t see behind the scenes. We don’t see the athletes getting up early to run, to hit the weights, or to practice their swings countless times. We don’t see the guitarists practicing chords until their fingers are calloused. We don’t see the famous authors sitting in front of the computer, working through writer’s block or struggling through a 3rd and 4th draft.

I recently heard a prolific author being interviewed. The interviewer asked him what it takes to be successful. He said something to this effect, "I am no more talented than the next person, but I do have something that many others don't have: I have a willingness to grind it out."

The willingness to grind it out is why I love the movie The Pursuit of Happyness. It’s the true story of a poor man determined to make a good life for himself and his son. On his way to success, there are hardships, rejections, and obstacles. We get a behind the scenes look at the price it takes to achieve mastery.

“Most people have the will to win, few have the will to prepare.” – Bear Bryant

When Steve Jobs was alive, I loved watching his presentations unveiling new Apple products. He seemed so natural and comfortable on stage. If you do some research, you will find that he practiced over and over again in preparation for the events. And the preparation showed--he came across almost flawlessly. 

Anytime you see someone perform at a high level, you can be sure they were grinding it out behind the scenes, day after day.

So enjoy the preparation process. Do what it takes to win. Learn to love the burn.