2 SIMPLE WAYS TO HELP OTHERS FLOURISH

“Leadership is taking people places they wouldn’t have gone to by themselves.”

Helping someone build self-confidence is one of the most meaningful things you can do. You can do this in two simple ways, through affirmation and encouragement.

Affirmation

Affirmation is letting someone know they did something well. You can affirm others for almost anything:

• A child who put in strong effort for a homework assignment.
• A direct report who handled a difficult customer with skill and tact.
• A co-worker who gave a clear, concise and compelling presentation.

When you give someone specific positive feedback, you are affirming them. You actually begin a positive upward spiral. Here's how it works, someone does something well, you affirm them. Because you affirm them, they have increased confidence and perform at a higher level. And the spiral continues.

Affirmation looks at the past and says, "You did it." The word affirmation literally means 'to make firm.' When you affirm someone, you will likely see that behavior continue. 

Encouragement

Encouragement is a bit different. Encouragement lets someone know that you believe in them. When you give encouragement, you are helping others get out of their comfort zone and grow closer to their potential. Encouragement looks like this:

• "I think you should apply for that management position."
• "If you want to write a book, I think you should go for it!"
• "You are a good communicator, I would like you to volunteer to make a presentation in front of the Board."

The word encouragement literally means 'to give courage.' While affirmation looks at the past, encouragement points toward the future and says "you can do it!"

Both affirmation and encouragement take very little effort on your part. Yet it makes a huge difference. Think of affirmation and encouragement as tiny seeds that you plant in the lives of others. And think what eventually happens to seeds, often they grow big, strong and bear fruit.

We are purpose-driven creatures. We all desire to have meaning beyond ourselves. Through affirmation and encouragement, you know you are making a difference in the lives of others. Be known as someone who gives the gift of confidence through affirmation and encouragement.

Daily Planning: 6 Ways to Live Your Day On Purpose

“How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.”

— Annie Dillard

Jim Rohn once said "either you run the day or the day runs you." Daily planning is a cornerstone habit of successful people. We live best when we live 'on purpose.'

Here are some tips on daily planning:

1. Create a Daily Task List.

Do this every day. The night before is preferable because your mind can contemplate on the day ahead and you can hit the ground running the next morning. Include high-priority projects (ex. develop presentation), important calls or emails (ex. follow up on proposal), and the routine (ex. order contact lenses/fill out expense report.)

2. Make high priority items a high priority. 

Stephen Covey called this putting 'first things first.' I think it should be taken literally. Try and work on your highest priority first thing. It may be an important project or some other high-value activity. If it is a big project, break it down in chunks and work on the first chunk. As the day goes on, you lose willpower. In addition, other things will come up. Knock this out and you will have an early victory.

3. Adjust, don't Abandon your game plan.  

Planning every minute of your day is setting yourself up to fail. Leave white space. Stuff happens. Undoubtedly, you will get interruptions and emergencies. Your daily plan should be a good mix of structure and flexibility. If you go off on a rabbit trail, get back on track quickly. Too often when the day doesn't go exactly as planned, we think the day is shot and begin to dabble at things and become unfocused. Regroup and get laser focused again.

4. Batch Items.

Group similar tasks. Do your email only at certain times of the day. If you have several calls to make, make them one right after another.

5. Avoid Multi-tasking.

Our brains are not built to do two things that take cognitive effort at once. It's fine to fold clothes while watching a ball game. But trying to do several things at once that require thinking will slow you down and hinder the quality of your work. Just focus on one thing at a time. Determine to get after it and get it done. And done well.

6. Overcome Procrastination

The hardest part of this whole deal is getting ourselves to behave. It is much easier just to do busywork all day long, fight fires or be distracted. Use momentum. Here is a great technique to overcome procrastination, just get started. Tell yourself you will work on that tough task for 10 minutes before you decide whether you will work on it longer. Nine times out of ten, you will have gained momentum and want to continue. This is called 'acting your way into feeling.' It works.

When you plan your day, take a few minutes to visualize yourself at the end of the day having planned your work and worked your plan. As a Christian, I spend a few minutes in prayer thinking through my projects, appointments, meetings, etc. I ask for God's blessing, wisdom and impact.

Nobody ever wandered into greatness. This is all about living a life of intent and purpose. And the good thing is that life only comes one day at a time.

“A successful life does not result from chance; nor is it determined by fate or good fortune, but rather through a succession of successful days”

— Ari Kiev

7 Principles for Delivering Corrective Feedback

“There is something that responds deeply to people who level with us.”

— Susan Scott

Stepping into difficult conversations is one of the hardest things for leaders to do. Often we go to one of two extremes, being too nice or being too blunt. I like the concept of being hard on the issue but soft on the person. Seek to be direct, considerate and constructive. Author Patrick Lencioni calls it telling them the 'kind truth.'

Here are 7 Principles I have been teaching leaders over last 15 years to help them step into these conversations with competence and confidence.

1. Get comfortable with the uncomfortable.

Understand from the outset that it is normal to feel uncomfortable in this situation. It goes with the territory and responsibility of leadership. You are not paid to be comfortable, you are paid to cultivate high performance from your staff. 

2. Start with the right motive.

I like the term corrective feedback rather than negative feedback. We want to correct their behavior and get them on the right track. Feedback should not be purely for punishment. Your goal should be to help the employee become more successful, not show them how wrong they are. View them as ‘pre-great’ and you want to get them to great.

3. Plan your words.

These conversations can be emotional, sensitive and risky. Think it through. When we say things out of stress, we say things we regret. It is best to choose our words carefully.

 4. Focus on behavior.

Saying "you have a bad attitude" or "you need to be more of a team player" simply doesn't work.

Instead, be descriptive. Explain what you saw or heard. For example, "When Cindy made that suggestion, I saw you roll your eyes and say we already tried that and it didn't work."

5. Stay in your lane.

Don't make the conversation bigger or more difficult than it needs to be. Don’t try to win a debate or get them to confess their sins. Your goal is positive behavior, not win an argument.

For example, note the difference in these two conversations.

• "I noticed you continued holding a social conversation with your colleague while your patient's call light was on."
• "You don't seem to care about patient satisfaction."

The second one gets into needless and dangerous territory. The goal of this conversation is to insure the nurse responds promptly to patient call lights. Stick to the goal.

6. Engage rather than declare.

A few well thought-out, focused questions will accomplish a lot more than lecturing. Make this a dialogue, not a monologue. Ask them what they will do to correct the issue. Make their behavior their problem, not yours!

• “What can you do to make sure you are here at 7 a.m. every morning?”
• "What can you do to promote a more positive work environment?"
• "What can you do to serve our customers in a warm and welcoming way?"

7.  If necessary, use the phrase “I need someone in this position who will....

• .... be here consistently at 7 a.m.”
• .... work well with others."
• .... look at the upside of change rather than immediately speak negatively about it."

When someone isn't responding to your corrective feedback, this is like a verbal cold shower. This phrase depersonalizes the situation and lets the person know that you are thinking in terms of the position not the person.

If they don't respond appropriately after hearing this, it may be time to free up their future.

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Like this content?

Del will be holding a public workshop on this subject and employee engagement on Thursday, September 22, 2016.  Find out more.

5 Qualities Every Employer Craves

“Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.”

— Albert Einstein

When I graduated college and about to launch my career in the marketplace, my father-in-law gave me this advice, "Wherever you work, make yourself valuable."

It is imperative that you are competent at your work. Skill and knowledge are essential, but only foundational.

To really stand out in the marketplace you need the following 5 qualities:

1. Optimism.

Employers want team members who are going to contribute to a positive work environment. They want employees with a 'can-do' attitude. I'm not talking about putting a happy face on everything but rather seeing the upside of things. It's easier to drag people down rather than lift them up. Be the exception. Be upbeat and energetic. 

2. Initiative

Many team members are simply putting in time. They do enough to get by. Set yourself apart by being proactive. Go beyond your job description. When you see a problem, suggest a solution. When you see a co-worker who is overwhelmed, jump in and give them a hand.

3. Service Orientation

When you go to a restaurant or a store, you can tell within a few seconds whether the person waiting on you is happy to be there or just putting in time. Be the kind of person who is easy to work and eager to help, whether it is a co-worker or an external customer. Being pleasant and helpful positively impacts the entire experience.

4. Adaptability

Humans are habit-oriented beings. We are comfortable with our routines. But in order for organizations to thrive, they need to be constantly changing and improving. Bucking change in your organization puts a drag on it moving forward. Be light on your feet, be flexible, be willing to learn new things. Abraham Lincoln once said, "Ride the horse in the direction that it is going."

5. Collaboration

Teamwork is absolutely necessary for any organization to win in the marketplace. Be a great team player. Give others credit. Ask for advice. Apologize when appropriate. Consider the other's point of view. Don't be competitive with those in your organization. If you don't enjoy collaborating, find a job that doesn't involve working with people. Drive a tractor-trailer across country, be an author and write books in your place of solitude. But companies need everyone to be a team player. 

Research shows that 75% of job success is due to 'soft-skills' not technical competence. Practicing these 5 qualities will give you a competitive advantage in the marketplace.

Are You Flying Through Life?

Originally posted on April 16, 2012

A few days ago I flew down to Nashville to drive my daughter and her car back home from college for the summer. I was struck by the difference between my trip down and our trip back.

On my trip down I arrived at the airport, went to the computer monitor to check my bags, stood in line to be screened. After an hour wait, I was squeezed into the very last row of the plane. During the 3 hour flight I felt like I was in a straitjacket. Everything was so impersonal and regimented.

As my daughter and I drove back to New Hampshire, I couldn’t help but notice the different “texture” of the trip.

We had time to talk and listen to our favorite music together. We stopped at our convenience. It was cool to see the faces of the servers in the restaurants and hear the different accents. We really got a sense of the area from the landscape, the buildings and even the billboards.

Each state had its own “feel.” We saw everything from broke down barns to the New York City skyline.

Yes, it took longer to get home by way of car, but it was a much richer experience.

Faster isn’t always better.

3 Strategies to Increase Self-Discipline and Make Wise Choices

“Your life today is the result of all of your choices and decisions in the past. When you make new choices, you create a new future.”- Brian Tracy

Have you ever had one of those ‘old fashioned’ donuts at Starbucks? They are delicious …and about 450 calories. Every time I go there it seems they are screaming at me to buy one of them.

Every day we are confronted with many choices that may seem minor at the time, but over the long term can have a significant impact. Making the right choice involves tapping our willpower.

When it comes to willpower, we have two kinds of struggles: ‘do power’ and ‘don’t power.’

‘DO’ POWER
The Challenge of Proactivity

‘Do power’ is when we seek to motivate ourselves to do something. This is what is called the challenge of initiative. This could be going to the gym, filing our taxes or cleaning the basement. Often we don’t ‘feel’ like doing something even though we know we should. Here are three practical strategies to increase your ‘do power.’

1. Act your way into feeling.

Have you ever procrastinated about something, finally started it and really got ‘on a roll?’ Usually the hardest part in overcoming procrastination is simply getting started. When a rocket ship first takes off, it uses a tremendous amount of fuel. As it gains momentum, it uses substantially less fuel. The same is true with us. We expend the most energy simply getting started. But if you get going, even when you don’t feel like it, often momentum kicks in. So remember, motion creates emotion. Act first and the feelings will likely follow.

2. Imagine the future.

Picture yourself having completed the project. Visualize how your clothes will fit when you reach your weight goal or how your basement will look when it is organized. Really let it sink in and envision the positive emotions of achieving the goal. A vision gives hope and motivation.

3. Pre-commit.

It is often unwise to wait until you are ‘in the moment’ to make a decision. Decide ahead of time specifically when you will go to the gym or file your taxes. You can even go so far as putting it on your calendar. As author Jon Acuff says, “crush the discussion with the decision.” In other words, leave no room for wavering; you have already made up your mind.

‘DON’T ’ POWER
The Challenge of Restraint

Conversely ‘don’t power’ is restraining ourselves from doing something we know we shouldn’t do. This could be eating one of those donuts, lighting up a cigarette or making an unwise impulse purchase. Let's call this the challenge of restraint.

We frequently have an internal conflict as we make these ‘in the moment’ choices. The tension is between our impulsive side and our rational side. Here are three strategies for this side of the equation.

1. Think ‘as now, so then.’

I have often said to myself, “I can have this donut today and tomorrow I will start eating better.” It is easy to deceive ourself and say “tomorrow we will be better.” We often idealize the person we will be in the future. It is more accurate and effective to understand that if we give in today, we will more likely give in tomorrow as well. ‘As now, so then’ thinking leads down the path of thinking about the consequences of having a donut every day. This thought process is more likely to temper my unhealthy indulgence.

2. Use the 10 minute rule.

Impulses can be fleeting. It is usually a good idea to wait 10 minutes before deciding to indulge. Once we get past the initial urge, the impulse is often not as strong. For example, having a piece of fruit will likely diminish the desire to eat a donut. Or once you are out of the store, that item that you just ‘had to have’ doesn’t seem like such a necessity.

3. Set limits.

I really like French fries. It’s hard for me to imagine not having them for the rest of my life. However, I try to limit myself to eating them only on Saturdays. When I do wait until the weekend, I can actually enjoy them without feeling guilty, knowing I eat them in moderation. (Keep in mind this technique does not work for everything. If you are trying to quit smoking, limiting yourself to once a week simply will not work. If you want to give up something completely, it is far easier to abstain altogether than it is to give in just a little then try to stop.)

General Strategies

1. Focus on positive action rather than prohibition.

Rather than focusing on not doing something, think about a positive alternative. It is much easier to replace a bad habit with a good habit than it is to simply quit doing something.

2. Set up your environment to your advantage.

If you are tempted to help yourself to a big bowl of ice cream after dinner every night, don’t keep ice cream in the house. Rather, keep healthy snacks that you enjoy or pre-packaged smaller portions.

If you intend to go to the gym first thing in the morning, pack your gym back and hang out your work clothes the night before. It will be much easier to get started in the morning. (And remember to put the coffee maker timer on!)

3. Start small.

Willpower is like a muscle that can be trained. It uses the rule of ‘use it or lose it.’ Even minor occurrences of exercising willpower will lead to increased self control.

When you find yourself in the middle of an ‘in the moment’ choice, choose a strategy that works best for you.

Fortunately, when it comes to choices, we don’t have to push ourselves to the limit all the time. We simply need to focus on those critical moments when we are most susceptible to unhealthy impulses.

Our current habits are not our destiny. They can be changed and reprogrammed. New habits can be intentionally designed. But it will take focus and energy.

And if you happen to temporarily stumble, don’t beat yourself up. Remember building willpower takes patience and perseverance. Tomorrow is a new beginning.

The 2 Qualities You Absolutely, Positively Need

““We must combine the toughness of the serpent and the softness of the dove, a tough mind and a tender heart.”
”

— Martin Luther King, Jr.

Most of us have been seen by a physician who is knowledgeable and competent, but doesn’t come across as caring. Conversely, we have all seen parents who want to be their child’s friend yet lack the firmness of appropriate discipline.

I recently read Compelling People: The Hidden Qualities That Make Us Influential by John Neffinger and Matthew Kohut. I was introduced to a very simple but insightful principle: the two qualities that make a person influential are Strength and Warmth. In the scenario above, the physician projected Strength but not Warmth. The parent possessed Warmth but not Strength.

The quality of Strength includes confidence, competence, passion, and grit.

The quality of Warmth includes kindness, connection, empathy, and congeniality.

The authors state that Strength and Warmth are not an ‘either/or’ proposition. You don’t have to sacrifice one quality for the other. It is quite possible to project both Strength and Warmth simultaneously. Think of it as two separate scales each ranking from 1-10. Theoretically, a person can be low in both Strength and Warmth, high in only one or the other, or, optimally, high in both Strength and Warmth.

Think about this concept in real-life situations. 

When we go for a job interview, the interviewer is essentially thinking about two things:

Can the person do the job? (Strength)
Do I want to work with this person? (Warmth)

If you are a leader, you need to be able to affirm, encourage and take an interest in your direct reports (Warmth). It is also your responsibility to step into difficult conversations and candidly address performance or behavior issues (Strength). 

If you are a presenter, it is essential that you first build rapport with your audience (Warmth) and then influence them with information that is presented in a confident, clear, and cohesive manner (Strength.)

Here are some practical tips to enhance both your Strength and Warmth.

Enhancing Strength

• Become proficient in your field
• Be clear and confident in your communication
• Be a person of action-get results
• Always be respectful but do not let others intimidate you

Enhancing Warmth

• Build rapport by remembering people’s names and asking others about themselves
• Regularly express appreciation and encouragement to others
• Practice empathy-put yourself in the other person’s place and express care and concern
• Build connectedness by finding areas of common interests (favorite sports team, hobbies, etc.)

So it is time for a little self-assessment. Where do you fall? Are you high in one area and low in another? Are you low in both? Your aim should be to project both Strength and Warmth everyday at a level of 10.

Teddy Roosevelt went on African safaris, had a boxing ring installed in the White House and continued giving a speech even though he was shot and bleeding (true story!). Yet he taught Sunday School to kindergarten kids and often made his cabinet wait as he played hide-and-seek with his kids.

I like that combination. Tough and tender.

3 Reasons To Avoid The Comparison Trap

Not long ago I was attending a conference at a large hotel. I got up early to use the treadmill in the hotel fitness center. While on my morning run and no one else there, I began to think how disciplined I was. I mean come on, the hotel had hundreds of guests and I was the only one who had enough discipline to hit the gym early in the morning. I put on my best superiority complex. 

A few minutes later, someone about 25 years younger starting running on the treadmill next to me. And I mean running. I was a tortoise compared to the hare. My self-esteem quickly swung to the other end of the spectrum. My thoughts turned to how slow and out of shape I was next to Mr. Young, Fit and In Shape.

Comparing ourselves to others is always a losing game. Either we think we are better than others or never good enough. Both are unhealthy and untrue.

God made you unique and your best strategy is to be the very best you that you can be.

Here are three reasons to focus on being your best.

1. You focus on what you can control. Being overly concerned about others is a waste of time. You can’t control others. 

“I decided to resign myself from the position of general manager of the universe.” -Jeff Gitomer  

2. You become less critical of others.  Time invested in improving yourself cuts down on time wasted in disapproving of others. 

3. You simplify your life. Concentrate on pleasing God and being all He created you to be. Life is much better and simpler living for an audience of One.

4 Productivity Practices of High Performers

The world comes at you fast and hard every day. It is easy to get distracted and diffused. High performers cut through all the noise and trivia to focus on what matters most.

Here are 4 Productivity Practices of High Performers.

1. Capture Everything.

This is absolutely essential. Develop a system where you capture anything and everything that comes your way. Phone messages, emails, requests while walking down the hall at work, responsibilities that come out of meetings and ideas that come to you in the moment.

Get everything down: big and small, long term and short term, ideas inspirational to your dreams and everyday mundane items. Rather than have random sticky notes all over the place, try to minimize your collection ‘containers’ to 3 or 4.

For example my collection containers are:

My email inbox - I flag all emails that need a response or follow up.
A full size paper pad where I write down all phone messages, random thoughts, etc. I also bring this paper pad to meetings to write down anything tasks I have committed to do during the meeting
A technology app where I keep on-the-fly requests (walking down the hallway at work) or random thoughts when I don’t have my paper pad with me.

Getting stuff off your mind and written down gives you psychological comfort. I dislike feeling that I am forgetting something or failing to follow through on a commitment.

All of these items comprise a Master Task List(MTL). A MTL is the list of everything you need to do:, big and small, important and mundane.

“Our minds are for having ideas, not holding them.” – David Allen

2. Plan weekly.

Think of zooming in and out on a map. All week long you are zooming in: rolling up your sleeves and doing the work in front of you. The weekly plan is like zooming out to see the big picture.

Taking a step back once a week to process your tasks and set weekly goals is a must-have habit. This is where you eliminate completed tasks off your MTL and get all your ‘To-Dos’ from your collection buckets on to your MTL. Most importantly, plan your week based the tasks on your MTL. You will not be able to get everything done, so choose the most important and absolutely necessary.

3. Chunk Big Projects

We procrastinate because a large project seems overwhelming. But a project is really made up of a series of small tasks. If you break down a project into a series of tasks then you can concentrate on just the ‘next action.’ 

Here is an example of ‘chunking a project.’

Project: Prepare Presentation for Fall Conference

Tasks:

• Research content (4 hours)
• Develop outline (1 hour)
• Develop flow and bullet points of content (2 hours)
• Add stories, quotes and humor to content (2 hours)
• Develop strong introduction and conclusion ( 1 hour)

4. Set Aside Regular Times for Focused Work

This is critical to getting anything worthwhile done. Regularly shut out the world for a limited period of time and get down to doing your best work.

To keep me focused with periodic short breaks, I use an app called 30/30. You name the task and set a timer for a certain amount of time to do concentrated work. It sounds silly but I say to myself “when the timer is on, the rest of the world is off.”

I once read “Be a maker in the morning and a manager in the afternoon.” I love that principle. As much as I can, I try to do my most important work in the morning and schedule meetings or more routine work in the afternoon. 

There are many more personal productivity principles (somewhere deep down there is a book on the topic in me) but these are the Core 4.

If you really want to make a difference, you have to be different and do things differently. Most people fly by the seat of their pants and hope for the best. These 4 practices will help you live more purposefully.

Please share any personal productivity practices you have found helpful in the comments section.

6 Ways to Overcome Nervousness in Public Speaking

All greatness is achieved while performing outside our comfort zone. – Greg Arnold

It is common knowledge that the #1 human fear is public speaking. When someone needs to make a presentation, often they just want to ‘get it over with.’

But if you are in business, becoming proficient at public speaking can accelerate your career. Instead of trying to ‘get it over with’ think ‘get good.’

I would like to share a few strategies that can help you reduce your anxiety. Be assured that nervousness concerning public speaking is normal and even healthy.

1. Master your material.

There is no substitute for knowing your material. The more prepared you are, the more confident and spontaneous you will be. Thorough knowledge of the material will also help you speak in a conversational tone.

2. Arrive early.

Make sure you are not dealing with last minute room set-up or technological issues. This will compound your stress. Get there well ahead of time and make sure everything is in order. Greet participants as they come. This will get the focus off yourself and create a relaxed atmosphere.

3. Start strong and end strong.

The first few minutes are usually the hardest. If you have your introduction down cold and it has a good hook, you gain early momentum. Once you get going, the anxiety is often reduced or even eliminated.

4. Make nervousness work for, rather than against you.

If I am nervous before a speech, I simply tell myself that it is positive energy waiting to be channeled into a great presentation.

“Everyone has butterflies in their stomach. The only difference between the pro and an amateur is the pro has the butterflies flying in formation.” – Zig Ziglar

5. Use positive visualization.

This technique is used by some of the world’s greatest performers. Jack Nicklaus used to imagine the golf ball landing softly on the green right next to the hole before he ever took a swing. Picture yourself confident and effective during your presentation.

6. Focus on the message (or Get Over Yourself!)

I used to give Employee of the Month presentations. I would tell myself that my job is to honor person being recognized, not to make me look good. This took the focus off me and actually helped take the edge off my nervousness.

By the way, imagining people in their underwear doesn’t work.

There are no shortcuts to becoming proficient at presentations or reducing the anxiety that comes with it. But with practice it will be dramatically reduced. When I started my career in education, I volunteered to teach topics like infection control, fire safety and HIPAA about 6 times a month in front of an average size audience of 40 people. I did this for the sole purpose of gaining ‘face time’ in front of an audience.

So start small. Volunteer to make a presentation at a department meeting or for a committee. You will slowly build confidence that could eventually lead to great things.